I let a narcissist win and it was the right thing to do. It wasn’t fair or just. You may look at the situation and have made a different decision. Of the choices I had and the resources at my disposal, it was the best option at the time. I’ll tell you the story.
A narcissist sees people as objects to move around the chess board of life. To make this easier, the narcissist classifies people into status (high to low) and usefulness (high to low). Generally, as a person, you don’t like being a chess piece. To the narcissist, its efficiency.
No one grows up in the perfect home. We’re all missing pieces that we have to find as adults. I’m here to tell you that it’s time to complete the puzzle.
Whether you grew up in an obviously dysfunctional home with active addiction and/or mental health issues or under the shadow of past traumas, your kid self did the best it could to handle it. Given the limited life experience of children, it’s no wonder the strategies seem a little dated in the light of day. But daytime is not when we’re most challenged.
Boundary skills are a moving target because there’s no one right way to do it. There’s no perfect script to follow to get everyone to play along nicely. Boundaries are hard! They’re hard to recognize until crossed, hard to talk about, and especially hard to give someone consequences for crossing them. You will spend a lifetime learning about them and still mess up sometimes. That’s ok; you’re human.
Making big family decisions like substance abuse treatment, parenting options, infertility decisions, elder care decisions, lifestyle issues, and negotiating sexual practices. If you can clearly define options, even if you don’t know how to choose or what to do, Decision Counseling can help.